Samantha

It's been a week now since Samantha passed away. It's been a very difficult week to say the least. I can't stop thinking about her and I miss her so much. The energy in the house is different, Sterling is very sad and the boys keep saying they miss her and they want her back on earth. They know she went to heaven. Heaven to them is where grandpa and Roxx (my brother's cat) and Jesus live. Samantha has now joined them in heaven. Each of the boys received a balloon on Curtis' birthday at the restaurant we went to. When we got home, we released the balloons up in the sky so Samantha, Roxx and grandpa each could have a balloon. It was very sweet.

Some of you have asked how she passed away. I am still shaking my head as how this could have happened. Maybe it was something we hadn't known about for awhile or maybe it was a sudden illness. I guess we'll never know. It started Saturday morning when I noticed she was breathing kind of rapidly. She really didn't want to get up and move around either. We had a family function that day and didn't return until later that night. We got home around 9pm that night to find her in the boys bathroom (where she never lays) and wouldn't get up. Curtis and I both knew something was wrong. He took her to the ER vet and they said she was in critical condition. Her heart rate was really high, her blood pressure was low and her red blood cell count was really low. They started her on an IV to hydrate her and started antibiotics. She had an ultrasound and chest x-ray done but nothing showed a mass or pooling of blood that they could see. The next morning I went to the vet to see her. She was still breathing heavy and didn't have much energy. The doctor explained that she thought she had an auto immune disease called Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemia. Basically her white blood cells were attacking her red blood cells. They also thought she had Immune Mediated Thrombocytopenia which is where her white cells were also attacking her platelets. Not good. I went back Sunday morning and she looked worse. Her skin started bruising (side effect of the low platelet count) and her red cell count had gone down. We made the decision to do a blood transfusion to help get her to a better place of recovery, if possible. They started her on a steroid and several other medicines. We needed to get her body to stop attacking itself for any hope of survival. The next morning her red cell count went up which was good but she still wasn't at a level that was normal. The blood test also showed her body was making new red cells which was also good. I had hope as of Monday. We decided to bring her home Monday morning with medication and prayers in our hearts.

In the beginning of the week she didn't get better but she didn't get worse. She didn't have much energy and not really an appetite. As the week progressed she started refusing to eat. I talked to the vet about that and she suggested we back off on one of the medicines in the hopes that her appetite would come back. Saturday we had an appointment to recheck her red cell count. That night we got the results that her numbers were improving. More hope but a cautious hope because she seemed to be getting worse. Sunday her right eye turned a light green color with some red spots on the iris. She was starting to vomit as well so we made an appointment for her on Monday afternoon. Monday she got worse. Curtis had to carry her to the car because she wouldn't get up. We both knew it wasn't good. We had the boys say goodbye to her because that was probably the last time they were going to see her.

I got to the vets office full of tears and unable to get the words out that I needed help getting her out of the car. They brought us right away into a room and I sat down on the floor with her. I couldn't stop crying. The vet came in and looked at Samantha. We both knew that there was nothing we could do to help her at this point. She thinks that there was a tumor somewhere in her body that was starting to bleed out. She said I would be doing the most selfless thing by letting her go. I wanted to be selfish. I wanted her here with me. That's where she had been for the last 11 years. But, I didn't want her to suffer and I knew it was the right thing to do for her. I can't explain the feeling of signing a paper that says, yes, put my dog to sleep. Horrible. I wanted to stay for every last minute with her. They came in and started an IV. They gave me some more time alone with her. Then the vet came in and administered the medicine to put her to sleep. She's gone. Forever. How did this happen? Why? That's all I kept thinking about. They took a paw imprint for me to have. They gave me as much time with her as I wanted. I laid on the floor next to her and held her in my arms. I told her how much I loved her and how much we will miss her. Every time I thought about leaving, I just didn't want to go. It was the last time that I would ever see her again. I finally decided to leave with an empty collar and leash in hand. Goodbye Samantha.

She was the best dog and most lovable dog you could imagine. Everyone who met her loved her. She was sweet, friendly and loved her belly to be rubbed. Every night at bedtime she would come lay with me in the bed and we would hang out and watch a bit of tv before I went to sleep. Every time I would put her in the car on the passenger side, she would climb over and sit in the driver side seat. I'd tell her "schoochie poochie" and she'd move back to the passenger side. During my single years, we would take daily walks, we would go to the dog park and we would go hiking. She was always there at the door when I walked in the empty house. It was comfort to know she was there and happy to see me. She was not just a dog to me. She was my companion and my friend.

I know time will heal the pain and sadness that I feel right now. I'll just remember all the great times we had together. I'll remember how much she loved us and how much she was loved.